


Clexa OneShots

by Samm07Maurer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-11-09 00:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samm07Maurer/pseuds/Samm07Maurer
Summary: I decided to try my hand at one-shots!Disclaimer: The prompts are not originally mine, nor are the characters and the universe. All credit for that goes to the creators and those who made my favorite post-apocalyptic babes come to life.





	1. Can You Please Come and Get Me?

Lexa sighed happily as she sent her last email of the day and leaned back in her desk chair. The day had been long and chaotic, plenty of meetings and conference calls to attend to, and she really just wanted to get home and curl up with a cup of tea to watch a nice documentary.

Maybe she would call her girlfriend and pick her up on the way home so they could spend the evening together. The thought put a small smile on her face as she continued to think of her girlfriend.

Her and Clarke had met almost 8 months ago, in the local coffee shop where the blonde worked. Lexa was entranced right away by her beauty. Sure, she had long blonde hair and curves that went for miles, but what really got her attention was Clarke's eyes. Her eyes seemed so blue it was like watching the sky stare back at you.

They hit it off quickly and exchanged numbers. They had talked almost every day for two weeks before Lexa had enough courage and asked her on a date. She, of course, said yes. And now, all these months later, Lexa could say that she was the happiest she had been in a long time.

Clarke went to school at Polis University and was trying to get her degree in fine arts. She had taken a year off after high school, due to the passing of her father. And when she decided she didn't want to follow her mom's footsteps in the medical field, her mom had left her to pay her own way through college.

Lexa knew how hard the blonde was trying, and knew that she would make it someday. The things her girlfriend could do with a paintbrush or some charcoal continued to astound Lexa each time she caught a glimpse of a new piece.

"Goodnight, Miss Woods." Her assistant called as she passed by the open door, pulling Lexa from her thoughts. Lexa stood and called back, "Have a nice night, Niylah. I'll see you tomorrow."

After checking over everything one last time to make sure every document was in its proper place, Lexa stood and gathered her things, rolling up her sleeves to her elbows and leaving her suit jacket off, draping it over her arms as she picked up her laptop bag. She was the last one in the building, which happened more often than not and made sure all the lights were out before she headed into the elevator.

She was just beginning her decent when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out, smiling at the name on the screen, and answered quickly.

"Hello, my love. I was just going to call you and-"

"Lex?"

Everything she had been going to say was gone when she heard the distress in her girlfriend's voice.

"Clarke? What's wrong?"

"Lex I can't breathe. He's here and I-I can't-"

Lexa tried to keep her voice controlled and calm, though she could feel fear start to grip her, "Baby, listen to me. Who is there?"

Lexa figured she was at some frat party, as partying was one of Clarke's favorite extracurricular activities. Lexa didn't mind, however, she trusted her and knew she would keep herself safe even when under the influence.

"Finn." Clarke's voice came in a strained whisper.

Lexa's eyes widened. Finn. Clarke's abusive ex. She had seen the scars he had left on Clarke's body. She gripped her phone tightly in her hand and clenched her jaw.

Lexa walked quickly out of the building and got into her car. She heard Clarke's breathing coming in quick uneven pants through the phone and knew she was about to have a full-blown panic attack. "Clarke, sweetheart, stay with me, okay? Listen to my voice."

"Can you please come and get me?"

Lexa was already speeding towards the university. "Where are you, Clarke?"

"Lincoln's frat. There was a big party and I-I wanted to go-"

"Hey, hey it's okay, love. I'm not mad. I'm on my way, okay? I'm coming to get you." "Clarke?"

Lexa sighed and threw her phone into the passenger seat. Clarke had hung up.

She made it to the campus in no time and was sprinting towards her little brother's frat house, thanking every god out there for her daily workouts.

She could hear the music even before she turned the corner, and was relieved to see the familiar Greek letters up ahead.

Pushing her way into the house she was overwhelmed by the amount of people that had managed to cram into the space. How the hell was she supposed to find Cl-

"Lexa! Oh, thank gods!"

Half running-half stumbling towards her was one if Clarke's closest friends, Raven. Lexa reached out and caught the dark haired girl when it was clear she was going to fall into Lexa. "Raven, do you know where-"

"Come on. Clarke needs you." Raven said, already pulling her further into the party. They stopped in front of a door. Raven turned to her. "She locked herself in there and won't come out. I tried everything I could think of. Maybe you can get her out."

Raven turned and stumbled off, going who knows where and Lexa was left facing the blank door. She leaned her ear against it and could make out the sounds of sobbing coming from the other side. Her heart breaking, she knocked quickly against the door, "Clarke."

The sobs choked to a stop but no answer came. Lexa tried again, "Baby girl, it's me. Open up the door. Let's go home."

The next thing she heard was Clarke vomiting. Lexa wanted to cry, all she wanted was to hold her girlfriend in her arms and protect her from everything. But she couldn't because there was a fucking door in the way.

She was just about to kick the door in when Raven collided with her again, this time carrying a lock picking set. Lexa recognized it as Lincoln's and thanked Raven for the brilliant idea.

There was no noise from inside the bathroom and Lexa began to worry again. She kneeled down in front of the door and worked quickly, grinning wide when she heard a satisfying click.

She opened the door just enough for her to slide in before she turned and locked it again, she didn't need anyone else coming in here right now.

She found Clarke kneeling on the floor right as the second wave of nausea hit her. Lexa kneeled beside her and rubbed soothing circles on her back with one hand, holding back her hair with the other.

She saw the tear tracks on Clarke's cheeks and could hear her short labored breaths. She could also tell Clarke was trying to fight against nausea and panic. Clarke turned to her, "Lex?" She managed to get out before being forced back to expelling what was in her system.

Lexa continued to rub her back, "Shh. It's okay. I'm here. Get it all out, Baby Girl."

When Clarke was done she sat back and pulled her knees to her chest, leaning her forehead against them. Lexa dampened a washcloth by the sink and held Clarke's face in her hands, wiping off the tear tracks covering her cheeks. She got her a cup of water to drink and then Lexa simply sat with her arm around her, trying to offer what comfort she could as Clarke's breathing slowed.

After a few minutes, Clarke turned her head and met Lexa's soft gaze. "Can we go home?" Lexa nodded, kissing her forehead. "Of course we can, my love."

Lexa stood, taking the snapback from Clarke's head and placing it backward on her own before she easily lifted the smaller girl into her arms.

Walking out of the frat house she caught Lincoln's eye and they nodded to each other. Clarke buried her head in Lexa's shoulder and gripped her shirt tightly in her fists the whole way to the car.

Lexa placed Clarke in the passenger seat and got into the driver's side. She drove to her penthouse apartment as quickly as possible and carried Clarke all the way up.

Opening her door, Lexa kicked off her shoes and padded down the hall to her bedroom. She flicked on the lights and placed Clarke in the middle of the bed. She took off the blonde's shoes and sweatshirt and jeans. Leaving her in a tank top and her boyshorts.

Pulling a blanket over her, Lexa got a glass of water and some Advil and set it on the bedside table so Clarke could reach it easily in the morning. Lexa took off the snapback and placed it on top of Clarke's folded clothes and shoes.

She quickly stripped down as well before turning off the lights and climbing in next to the blonde. Clarke turned towards her and snuggled into her waiting arms.

Lexa kissed the top of her head. "Sleep now, my love. I've got you."

As Lexa was dozing off, she heard Clarke mumble, "I love you, Lex."

She smiled, "I love you too, Clarke."

"Thanks for coming to get me."

"Always."


	2. I'm at the Hospital

Lexa unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside. She set down her laptop bag and called out for her wife as she moved towards the kitchen with the takeout she had picked up on the way home. "Clarke?"

The young doctor had worked a thirty-six hour shift and Lexa assumed she had only gotten home a few hours ago, so when she got no response, she safely reasoned she was asleep.

She placed the bag of food on the small table and laid her suit jacket next to it. She filled a glass with water in the sink and crossed the apartment to the bedroom.

Opening the door, Lexa called out softly once again. "Clarke, love?" She switched on the light and was surprised to find the room empty.

Confused, she crossed into the main area again. "Clarke? Are you home?" When she received no answer, Lexa went to put the food in the fridge and dumped out the glass of water before she pulled out her phone.

Lexa wasn't used to getting Clarke's voicemail. She almost always answered the first time. Lexa realized that something wasn't right when she heard Clarke's answering machine for the second time.

Her brows pulled down in confusion as she moved back to the bedroom to change into something more casual. She pulled on some joggers and a muscle tank. As she was running a brush through her hair, her phone began to ring on the bed.

She practically dove to answer it when she saw it was Clarke calling her. Putting it on speaker, she continued to throw her hair up in a ponytail. "Clarke?"

A gravelly whisper reached her ears. "Lexa." Lexa's hands froze in her hair, "Octavia? Are you with Clarke? Where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital."

"Is everything okay? Is Clarke okay? Is she there?" She immediately questioned, fearing the worst.

"Lexa-" She could hear Octavia choking up, "Octavia, what happened?"

"Lexa, it's Abby."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes, fifteen if I can," Lexa spoke quickly, hanging up after. She ran around the room and threw a few changes of clothes into a bag, as well as Clarke's favorite blanket that was laying on the couch.

Lexa ran into the hospital, looking frantically around for either Clarke or Octavia. She found her sitting in a chair in the corner, tucked into Bellamy's side and leaning her head on his shoulder. Octavia was sitting on her other side, Lincoln next to her, their fingers intertwined. She knew how much this was hurting the Blake's as well, Abby having been another mother to them after their's passed when they were little.

Dropping the bag by Lincoln's feet, she took the last couple steps and crouched down in front of her wife. "Clarke?"

At the sound of her name, Clarke's head snapped up and she launched herself into Lexa's arms. Lexa fell backward and stretched her legs out, sitting on the floor while Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck and straddled her hips.

Clarke buried her face into Lexa's neck, and Lexa could feel the few tears that escaped blue eyes fall onto her skin. She wrapped one arm around Clarke's waist and put the other on the back of her head, holding her close. "Shh. It's alright, Love. I'm here now."

"Lex. She-she..." Lexa shook her head, "It's okay, Clarke. You don't have to tell me. It's okay." She looked over the blonde's shoulder to Bellamy and raised an eyebrow, asking for the details as to what happened.

Bellamy looked to his sister who sighed and stood, Lincoln standing with her as they approached Clarke. "Hey, Princess? Why don't we go back in there and sit with her for a little while?" Clarke looked up and sniffled, nodding, responding with no emotion, "Okay." She stood shakily with some help from Octavia and held out her hand to Lexa.

Lexa stepped forward and kissed Clarke's forehead, "Why don't you go? I'll be there in a minute. I need to talk to Bellamy first, okay?" Clarke nodded and answered with that same detached voice, "Okay."

After the trio had disappeared down the hallway, Lexa sat down next to Bellamy and sighed. "What the hell happened?"

Bellamy sighed, "Clarke and Abby went out to lunch late, Abby was driving. Some idiot was in hurry to get back to work and ran a light. They crashed." Lexa rested her elbows on her knees and held her head in her hands, "Is Clarke okay?" She questioned.

"The guys in the ambulance checked her out. They said the guy hit the driver's side so she was in a pretty safe spot. Clarke's fine, but she might be really sore." Lexa's sighed, afraid of the answer, "Abby?"  
She noticed that Bellamy gave no details, but she didn't push. "They got her into surgery right away. Took a few hours. Clarke hasn't left her side since she got out except to come out here and wait for you, which took some convincing. Hasn't said much either."

Still, Lexa said nothing, knowing that there was more. That he wasn't telling her something.

"Lexa," he sighed, "Doctor said they don't know if she's gonna wake up."

And there it was, she thought, placing a hand on Bellamy's shoulder. It was the undeniable truth of the situation. Clarke might lose the only family she had left. And so would the Blake siblings. They sat in silence for a few minutes, lost in thoughts neither wished to share.

Eventually, Lexa sighed, "Alright." She stood, grabbing the bag she had brought, "we should go in there."

Clarke was numb. All she could do was stare at her mother's bruised face and hold her limp hand. Miller's words bounced around in her head, sharp and angry. "Might not have worked. May not make it." She closed her eyes as the memories of the crash invaded her mind.

The flash of a red car. The screech of breaks against the pavement. A loud crash and a dull thud. Pain. The smell of blood. A frantic voice, her voice, "Mom? Mom, please. Open your eyes!"

A gentle yet firm hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present and she pried her eyes open. She covered Lexa's hand with her free one but said nothing. There was nothing to say. She heard Lexa sigh quietly before she felt a kiss being placed on the top of her head.

The room was silent even full of people as it was. Now, all they could do was wait.

As the hours passed and the sky darkened outside the window, Octavia and Lincoln decided to go home for the night. Bellamy followed not long after, realizing he should get some sleep before work in the morning.

It was around midnight, regular visiting hours were long over, and Lexa was really starting to worry about Clarke.

She ran her fingers through her favorite blonde hair and kissed the top of her head. "Baby girl," she whispered, "please. What's going on in that pretty little head?"

"I can't lose her Lex. I just can't. I don't think I would survive it."

"Clarke-"

"Not after my dad. Not after Finn." Clarke turned to look at her girlfriend with pleading eyes, "I can't go through this again."

Lexa held out her arms and Clarke stood, coming around to bury herself in Lexa's chest. Lexa held her tightly, "You won't have to. She's gonna be okay, Clarke. You won't lose her."

"Mama G?" Came a broken voice from the doorway. Clarke's head shot up at the newest visitor and Lexa stepped back, allowing them to embrace.

Clarke buried her face in the other girl's neck. "I'm glad you came, Rae."

Lexa let the two girls sit by Abby and went to stand by her cousin, who was leaning in the doorway. The older blonde pulled her into a hug, "I missed you, Lex. Sorry we had to be reunited like this."

Lexa sighed into her chest. "Yeah, me too Anya. Me too." Stepping back, they stayed leaning against the wall looking over their wives. "How are things in LA?"

Anya nodded, "They're good. Might get some shit for dropping everything and flying across the country, but Abby was Raven's mom too so I'll take whatever they throw at me. She needed to be here."

Raven's story was similar to the Blake's, but she actually moved in with the Griffin's when she was abandoned by her mom. Abby was the only parent she had known that actually cared about her. And now here she was, lying in a hospital bed.

The next day, everyone was back in the hospital room, sitting in silence. The visitors all looked slightly better than the previous day though, all having slept and showered and eaten, even Raven and Anya, who had left after a few hours to go to a hotel. Everyone except Clarke.

Lexa had, however, convinced her to change out of her work scrubs and into a comfortable pair of leggings and one of Lexa's hoodies from college. Lexa had brushed her hair gently and pulled it into a loose bun. She helped Clarke take off her makeup and gave her her glasses.

The blonde was currently sitting across her lap and nuzzled into her neck, holding her hand. The blanket Lexa had brought was wrapped around them both.

Lexa ran her other hand up and down Clarke's back soothingly. Figuring it was time to try again she spoke softly, "Clarke, love?"

"Mmm?"

"Why don't you try and get some sleep?"

Clarke shook her head slowly. "Don't need. Mom might wake up." Lexa looked around the room, her eyes pleading for anyone to help convince her wife to rest. Finally, Raven spoke, "I'll watch over her, Clarkey. You should sleep. I'll wake you up if anything happens."

Clarke looked up from Lexa's neck and Lexa could see the indecision across her features. Lexa nudged her further, "Baby, please. I don't like seeing you like this. You gotta take care of yourself."

Finally, Clarke nodded. Whether it was her and Raven who convinced her, or her body finally giving in after over two days of no sleep, she wasn't sure. Lexa was thankful either way.

Lexa stood, picking up Clarke bridal style and carrying them over to the small couch in the corner. She sat at one end and coaxed Clarke to stretch out across the couch with her head in her lap. Clarke turned so her face was nuzzled into Lexa's stomach. The brunette ran her fingers through her wife's blonde locks, soothing her to sleep.

She sought out Raven's gaze, mouthing a thank you to the dark haired girl as she laid the blanket over Clarke. Raven nodded back with a faint smile, anything for her sister.

The first few hours of sleep had been fitful, but she had quieted eventually. Lexa had fallen asleep for a while as well, but she had been more rested than Clarke and woke up after a few hours. She joined in the quiet conversation that was going on inside the hospital room and stayed with Clarke's head in her lap. She wished people goodnight as they left again.

It was a little after midnight when Clarke began to stir again. Lexa leaned down and kissed her forehead, and when she turned onto her back, Lexa placed gentle kisses all over her face. Once blue eyes had opened fully, Lexa kissed Clarke gently. "Hi." She whispered when they parted. Clarke smiled faintly, "Hey."

Clarke sat up and pulled the blanket off of her, wrapping it around her shoulders like a cape. Lexa smiled at the sight. "Did you sleep okay?" Clarke yawned as she sat in the chair by her mother. "Yes. Thanks, Lex." Lexa kissed the top of her head, "Of course."

Lexa moved out of the room in search of some coffee for her wife. Preparing it the way Clarke liked, she brought it back and handed it to her, snaking her arms around Clarke's shoulders. Clarke turned slightly and kissed her, "Thank you, love."

Lexa kissed her again before they turned back to watch over Abby. "Always." They sat in comfortable silence as Clarke sipped her coffee and held her mother's hand.

It was around one in the morning when Clarke felt a gentle squeeze. She gasped, "Mom?"


	3. Hey, Don't Do That, You'll Hurt Yourself

Clarke walked across campus alone. She had gone to a party with Raven and Octavia, but left when her ex girlfriend, Niylah, had shown up. She was still slightly buzzed, but not drunk.

She walked across the still grounds quickly, something in her telling her that she should get back to her dorm as fast as she could, that maybe she should have accepted Finn's offer to walk her back.

She checked the time on her phone, 1:18am. Clarke sighed. She hoped she would be quiet enough to not wake up her roommate. Lexa had been studying for a big test when Clarke had left earlier and Clarke thought she deserved an uninterrupted rest.

She pulled from her thoughts when a rough hand closed around her wrist and pulled her into a small alley between two buildings. She yelped as she was pushed against the brick wall and a hand came over her mouth.

With wide eyes, she took in the situation. It was dark. No one was out at this time of night. And it was her, a small girl who was slightly under the influence, against this man, a man who was bigger and stronger than her and had intentions to do unthinkable things to her. 

She felt his hands roaming her body, and she was too in shock to do anything but cry, silent tears cascading down her pale cheeks. She heard his rough voice in her ear and knew it would haunt her nightmares.

"I've been watching you, Clarke." Clarke's whole body trembled violently and her mind screamed for her to do something, anything, that would save. But she couldn't.

"You're so beautiful, Clarke. But tonight, tonight you're perfect." Clarke cursed herself for wearing this dress. If she got out of this alive, she would burn it.

He left bruising kisses against her lips and painful bites along her skin. He rucked up her dress until it was over her hips and Clarke felt like she was going to vomit when his fingertips glided along her stomach.

Clarke's legs gave out and she slumped to the ground when he was suddenly ripped off of her. Her mind was so jumbled and clouded, making it difficult to decipher what was happening.

Someone was attacking her attacker. Wait, she knew that jacket. Finn. Clarke and Finn had dated for a little over a year, and they parted on good terms. They were still close friends. He had come after her, she realized. Finn was here. Finn had saved her.

Clarke was so unfocused that she didn't notice the man running away or Finn coming closer. She only saw him as he kneeled down in front of her. "Clarke?" He asked softly, careful not to make a move towards her.

It was then that she snapped. Powerful sobs ripped from her chest and she wept loudly. Finn leaned forward and enveloped her in a tight hug, rubbing her back and cooing gently, "It's alright. You're okay, Princess."

It took a few minutes, but Clarke eventually managed to get her breathing back to normal. Finn kissed the top of her head, "Let's get you home, okay?"

He helped her up, fixed her dress, and wrapped her in his letterman. Then, he threw an arm protectively over her shoulders, tucking her into his side. The pair made their way slowly back to Clarke's dorm.

They didn't speak until they were outside her door. "Do you have your key?" Finn asked. Clarke nodded numbly and reached into her hightops, producing her dorm key. Finn took it and unlocked the door, but she stopped him for a moment, "Lexa's sleeping. We have to be quiet. I don't want to wake her up." Finn nodded and led her inside.

He helped her into the bathroom where he could turn on the light without waking Clarke's sleeping roommate. He wiped her face with a warm washcloth and helped her out of her dress and shoes and into some pajamas. 

He turned out the light and led her to her bed. Finn sat next to her once she was under her blankets, laying his jacket over her. She grabbed his hand.

Finn sighed, "I'm gonna have to leave soon, Princess." Clarke looked up with wide eyes, panicking. "Please. Please don't. You can stay tonight." But he shook his head sadly, "I can't. You know our rules, Clarke." She tried again, "Then just till I fall asleep." Finn didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't stay overnight. "Lexa's here. She'll keep you safe, Clarke."

Clarke's voice broke as she held his hand tightly. "Please, Finn." He hated seeing her like this, and so he relented. "Alright, just this once. And only until you fall asleep." Clarke nodded and moved her head into his lap. She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep as he stroked her hair. "Goodnight, Princess."

"You're so beautiful. Perfect." 

Clarke woke with an abrupt scream. She turned to find Finn, but he was gone. She pulled his jacket and the blankets off of her and checked to make sure that her outburst hadn't woken Lexa. The brunette was undisturbed. She glanced at the clock, 3:54am.

Clarke sighed and shivered, unable to shake the feeling of the man's hands on her body. She tried clawing the feeling away, desperately scratching angry red marks into her arms, legs, and stomach. She wasn't aware that she was crying, only that tears were hitting her cheeks and sobs were suddenly choking her.

She felt her nails break her skin, but was numb to the pain, only feeling a deep sense of violation. Vaguely, she noticed Lexa shifting around in her bed, but didn't realize she had woken her until the brunette called out, "Clarke?"

She tried to cut off her sob but failed and Lexa shot off her bed at the choking noise that came out of her.

Lexa flicked on the small lamp on her desk and gasped. Clarke's legs were covered in bright red, swollen scratches, and her stomach was bleeding in a few places where shallow cuts had been made. Clarke continued to claw at her arms.

Lexa tried to get closer, but Clarke flinched back and Lexa froze. "Clarke?" Clarke was shaking, "Please. Please, don't." Lexa took a few more steps and when Clarke made no move to get away, she closed the distance between them and sat on Clarke's  bed, enveloping the blonde in her arms.

She grasped Clarke's hands in one of her own, "Hey, don't do that. You'll hurt yourself." Clarke seemed to finally focus on the fact that she was safe, and the feeling of him grabbing her went away. She sagged against her friend, "Lex?"

Lexa kissed the top of her head, "You're okay, C. I'm here. I got you." And suddenly Clarke was crying harder than Lexa had ever witnessed. "He-He. He tried to-" "Shhh." Lexa cooed. Finn had woken her up and let her know what had happened. "I know. You're safe now."

She continued to soothe Clarke through the rest of her panic attack and whispered that she would be right back once the worst of it was over. She went into the small bathroom and returned with a warm washcloth and some bandages. 

She gently wiped Clarke's cheeks before she cleaned and covered the cuts on her arms and stomach. 

"There." She smiled, softly, "All better." Clarke tried her best to smile, "Thanks, Lex. Sorry, I woke you up." Lexa shook her head, "I'm just glad you're okay." They sat quietly for a few minutes before Lexa asked, "Do you want to try and get some more sleep?"

Clarke nodded, slightly weary and Lexa added, "I'll stay with you." Nudging Clarke up, she laid down and stretched out her arms, "Come on. Lay down."

Clarke laid down and Lexa wrapped one arm around her. "I'll stay right here. I'll protect you." Clarke sighed and leaned back against her, fully relaxed in her arms. "Goodnight, Lex." Lexa kissed the back of her head before burying her face in the blonde's neck. "Sleep well, Clarke."


	4. How Long Has It Been Since You've Slept?

Clarke woke from her brief nap and stretched, fingertips searching the other side of the bed for her wife. But all she found were cold sheets. 

"Lexa?" She whined. 

She pushed herself up on her forearms and checked the time on her phone, which was charging on the bedside table. She pouted, Lexa should have been home by now, and she always came to cuddle with her when she was napping after a night shift.

She disconnected her phone from the cable and rolled onto her stomach. She unlocked her phone and saw no new texts from the missing brunette, so she decided to call her.

"Clarke?" came the puzzled voice she had been waiting for.

"Hi." Clarke smiled, cheerily.

"Why are you calling me?" Lexa asked.

"You're not here." Clarke glowered. "Where are you?"

She heard Lexa chuckle lightly, "I'm in the living room, love."

"Oh." Clarke blushed. "But I didn't hear your phone ringing?"

"It's on silent. I brought some work home."

"Oh." She blushed again.

"I think I should be done soon though. Then I'm all yours."

Clarke smiled wide, "Mmkay."

After a silent pause, Lexa spoke again, "Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"We're still on the phone."

Clarke tried on more time, "You're still not in bed next to me."

Lexa just laughed, "Why don't you come out here and keep me company while I finish this? Then I promise it'll be just us for the night."

As Clarke's stomach growled, she thought of their other routine, "Did you bring home food?"

"Of course I did."

"Okay. I'll be out in a few."

After another pause she heard a smile in Lexa's voice, "I'm gonna hang up now Clarke."

"Bye, Lexa."

"Goodbye, love."

Clarke sat up fully now, adjusting her tank top from where it had ridden up as she slept. She sat for a few minutes, scrolling through her Instagram and Twitter feeds. She cracked her knuckles and her neck before she stood up and crossed the room to the closet. 

She threw on a pair of jean shorts and one of Lexa's old sweatshirts from college and walked into the bathroom and pulled her hair up into a messy bun and brushed her teeth. She opened the bedroom door and padded barefoot into the living room.

She noticed Lexa sitting on the couch, surrounded by a bunch of papers and staring at her laptop. Clarke was still slightly upset about waking up alone, so she ignored all of the seemingly important stuff that her wife was working on, and sat directly in her lap, cuddling into her.

Lexa chuckled, sighing and wrapping her arms around her, "Hello, Clarke." 

The blonde grumbled, "Shut up. I'm still mad at you." 

The brunette kissed the top of her head, "May I ask what for?" 

Clarke frowned, "I don't appreciate waking up without you beside me." 

Lexa tipped Clarke's head back to look in her eyes, "I'm sorry." 

Clarke pouted, Lexa was wearing her glasses. Those were her ultimate weakness and the brunette knew it. 

Lexa kissed her gently, smiling, "I'm sorry." 

She tickled the blonde's sides and laughed when Clarke squealed, "I'm sorry."

Clarke huffed, "Fine. You're forgiven." 

Lexa smiled, "I love you, Clarke." 

Clarke sighed contently and rested her head against Lexa's shoulder, a small smile on her lips, "I love you too."

 

Clarke brought in the boxes of still warm Chinese food and handed one to her wife, sitting beside her. "What is all this?"

Lexa sighed, "A new case I've been assigned to. Missing girl." 

Clarke looked over at a picture of the girl in question. "Costia Snow? Didn't we used to go to school with her?" 

Lexa nodded, sighing, "And now I need to find her." 

Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa's back, "I'm positive you will. But why don't you take a break and eat something?"

Lexa blew out a long breath, packing away the files and shutting down her laptop. "You're right. I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow."

 

Clarke woke up the next day once again to an empty bed. She was more than a little upset this time, she never slept well unless Lexa was next to her. The brunette had gotten a phone call from her superior right as they were heading to bed, and Clarke had fallen asleep without her, knowing she would be in soon.

She walked out into the living room with full intentions of arguing with her wife, but what she saw in front of her made her stop. Lexa was in a similar position to what Clarke had found her in yesterday, papers scattered and eyes glued to a screen, but this time, she had deep purple bruises under her eyes and four or five empty coffee mugs on the floor next to her.

Clarke sighed, "Lex?" 

The brunette merely glanced in her direction before she continued to pour over the files around her. Clarke walked over and moved some of them, ignoring Lexa's irritated sigh and sat down next to her, putting her arms around her. 

"How long has it been since you've slept?" 

Lexa closed her eyes and groaned, "I will rest when I find Costia. There has to be something I missed. Something that isn't here. A call that went unnoticed, or maybe she went somewhere and we don't have it documented."

Clarke sighed and kissed her temple, bringing Lexa's hands into her lap, "Lex. Look at me."

When green met blue she continued, "You will find Costia. I know you will. But not if you don't take care of yourself. You need to stop this. I'm worried about you."

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and buried her face in her neck, "I know. I'm sorry." 

Clarke kissed her head, "Come on, let's stay in bed today."

Lexa nodded and felt her eyelids falling as a big yawn came over her. Clarke laughed, pulling her to their bed and under the blankets. She pulled Lexa to her and kissed her forehead. 

"I love you, Lexa." 

Sighing, Lexa nuzzled further against Clarke, "I love you too."

"Promise me you'll sleep?"

Lexa laughed tiredly, "I promise."


	5. You're Burning Up

The off-white wall panels seemed to be merging together and the dirty white tiles beneath her feet were fuzzy. Clarke was panting as walked, her breath only coming in short, painful gasps. And still, she forced her feet to keep moving, one after the other.

Just a few more hours, she reminded herself. A few more hours of checking on patients and filling out paperwork. Then she could go home to her wonderful girlfriend and enjoy the weekend. It would be her first two days off in about four months.

As the world swam around her and her head throbbed painfully, she kept repeating it like a mantra in her head.

Five more hours. Five more hours. Five more hours.

She reached the reception desk and handed her clipboard to one of the new interns, requesting her next set of rounds. Once the girl had left to retrieve what she had asked, Clarke allowed herself a moment to collect herself.

She braced her forearms on her desk and bowed her head low, trying to ignore the fact that her arms were trembling.

Her friend Monty, one of the lab technicians, noticed her hunched form as he passed by on his way out. "Griffin?"

She turned with a weak, unconvincing smile, "Green." He stepped forward and placed a hand on one of her still shaking arms. "Are you feeling okay, Clarke?"

She laughed, though it sounded more like a cough, "Just peachy." He wasn't buying it. "Maybe you should go home. I'm sure there are enough people here to finish up for you. And I'm positive that Lexa wouldn't mind coming to get you."

Clarke shook her head, though it only served to make the throbbing in her skull more intense, "I'm fine, Monty. Really. It's just a little hot in here is all."

He wanted to argue with her further, but, knowing her, it would be pointless. "Alright, well. Hope you have a good weekend, Clarke."

She nodded, "You too. See you Monday." The intern came back and handed her a fresh clipboard. Clarke continued down the hallway to do more rounds, "Thank you, Echo."

She walked as quickly as possible down the hallways, swaying slightly as the world spun. She heard her mother's voice approaching and ducked into her patient's room right as Abby turned the corner.

Clarke sighed, that was close. Come on, Clarke, pull it together. Five more hours.

 

Clarke finished off her list and sagged against the reception desk, her head in her arms. Niylah looked up from her computer screen. "Clarke?" When she received no recognition she tried again, "You okay sweetheart?" The blonde didn't move, the only indication that she had heard her was a mix between a groan and a whine, "Mmm."

Niylah stood from her chair and placed a hand on top of the blonde's head. "Clarke, look at me." When the blonde lifted her head, Niylah held her face in her hands, "Oh, sweetheart. You look like shit." Clarke grimaced, "Thanks, Niy. I'm fine."

She sighed, "Clearly you're not. Go home." Clarke shook her head, insisting, "I'm fine." It was Octavia, Clarke's longtime best friend and one of the hospitals best EMTs, who spoke next, having been passing the girls on the way out, finally able to leave after her last call. "You look like you're about to either pass out or vomit," looking at her from head to toe, she added, "Or both. Call Lexa."

Pushing herself off the desk and around her two concerned friends, she continued down the hallway towards her next patient, "I'm fine."

Niylah shared a look with Octavia and pointed towards the phone at the desk. "Call Lexa."

 

Octavia dialed Lexa's office, knowing that a call from the hospital would get forwarded directly to her without question. She answered on the third ring.

"This is Woods."

"Lexa."

Lexa sounded surprised, "Octavia?"

Octavia closed her eyes, and sighed tiredly, "You need to come and get Clarke."

Worry was laced through Lexa's voice immediately, "What happened? Is she okay?"

Octavia wasn't quite sure how to phrase it without it sounding bad because really, Clarke was nowhere near being okay. "She...she doesn't look good, Woods."

Octavia could hear the frown and confusion in Lexa's voice. "Are you sure something's wrong? Clarke would call me if she needed me."

Octavia was frustrated with the situation and snapped, "She refuses to admit that she is falling apart. She's absolutely sick and shouldn't be here and yet here she is, trying to finish her rounds and the fuck ton of paperwork that she no doubt has, all because she's got the weekend off." Sighing, she finished, "I'm sorry, just... trust me, Lexa. She looks like she should be in the hospital, not working at one."

"And you think she wants me to come get her?"

"Of course not, this is Clarke we're talking about. She's too stubborn to admit that her body can't take this."

Lexa sighed, "I'll be there in ten."

"You know where to find me."

 

Lexa pulled into the hospital's parking lot. She quickly entered through the main door and went to the elevators, knowing she would find Octavia on the third floor. The doors shut with a small click and she waited a few seconds as the elevator brought her up.

Stepping out, she walked down the short hallway to the reception area. She found the brunette behind the desk talking with one of Clarke's other college's, Niylah. Stepping up to the desk she smiled, "Octavia." The shorter girl stood immediately and came around to stand in front of her. "Lexa. Finally."

 

Clarke slumped against the desk in front of Niylah for the third time that day, and made no move to acknowledge the girl, instead, she just tried to keep herself from falling over. She heard Niylah sigh, and Octavia does the same. But then a third person came around and placed their hand on her back, running their finger's in soothing patterns up and down her spine. "Oh, baby girl."

Tilting her face from where it had been resting against the counter she peered up and found her girlfriend. "Lex?" She asked, her voice raspy and her throat sore, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to bring you home, baby girl, you don't look good." Clarke shook her head slowly, cautious of the incessant throbbing in her temples. "I'm okay, Lex. Go back to work. I only have a few more hours. I can do this." She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince more, Lexa, or herself.

Lexa chuckled at her ever stubborn love. "I don't doubt that. But you don't have to. Let me take you home so you can rest, Clarke." Lexa was worried, Clarke was pale and shaky, she looked like she might fall over any second. Lexa swore she hadn't been this bad when they had both left for work this morning.

She remembered her being a little warm but believed the doctor when she said it was nothing to worry about. She was pulled from her thoughts when Clarke snapped her head up and spoke quickly to Octavia, her voice slightly panicked, "O. Trashcan. Now."

Octavia reacted immediately and handed it over just in time for Clarke to empty her stomach. Octavia reached over and held back her hair and Lexa ran her hand up and down Clarke's back. When she was finished, Clarke whimpered quietly and the sound broke Lexa's heart.

Sighing, she kissed the top of Clarke's head, "Okay, that's it. We're going home, Clarke." Clarke sniffled and nodded, avoiding her wife's eyes. She nodded to the two women that had called her and wrapped an arm around Clarke's waist. Octavia walked out with them and helped Clarke into Lexa's car. She kissed Clarke cheek as Lexa slid into her seat. "I'll have Bell come get your car after his shift tonight. He'll drop it off by morning." Clarke nodded weakly, "Thanks, O."

 

Lexa drove to their apartment slowly, not wanting Clarke to get sick again. When she pulled in, she turned to Clarke, wanting to make sure she could get up to their apartment on her own. "Clarke can-" she paused, Clarke was asleep.

She sighed, a soft smile gracing her features. She exited the car and walked over to the passenger's side. She pulled Clarke into her arms, bridal style and carried her into their apartment, closing the door behind her with her foot.

She walked into their bedroom and laid Clarke down. She removed the doctor's shoes and pulled her hair out from its messy bun. She leaned down to kiss her forehead and sighed, "Oh, Clarke. You're burning up."

She decided to take Clarke's scrubs off for her and leave her in her underwear under the blankets. She set a glass of cold water on the nightstand as well as some fever reducer. She turned on the ceiling fan and turned out the lights before walking back out into the living room, leaving the door open slightly so she could hear when her wife woke up.


	6. You Don't Have to be Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one that popped into my head

Clarke's shaking fingers elegantly scrawled letters across a blank page.

Today my forest is dark. The trees are sad and all the butterflies have broken wings.

Her therapist told her that writing down her feelings would help her gain control, but all it seemed to do today was force her to dwell on bittersweet memories.

She closed her eyes and pressure swelled behind her eyelids. She shook her head, Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Like a movie playing in the darkness of her mind, the man who gave her kind blue eyes was driving along the road, singing an old song with her as it blared from the radio. The sun was shining and the windows were rolled all the way down as the pair made their way home from the lake.

The oncoming car swerved, there wasn't enough time. Head-on collision. Flames and smoke. Screams of pain and suffering. Her body jerked and collided with bent metal. "Dad? Dad, are you okay? Da- Dad! Dad, please! Help! Somebody HELP!"

Clarke opened her eyes again, a sob forcing its way out of her throat. The journal was forgotten as she traced the letters on the stone. JAKE GRIFFIN. It had been a year of hell since the crash that took her father's life, the crash that she'd been told she was lucky to walk away from. She didn't feel so lucky.

She sat there, in the empty cemetery, for what could have been hours or minutes. She was numb and it all felt like an eternity. A gentle hand fell on her shoulder and she was jerked out of her daze.

Soft green eyes kneeled down to meet her, "You don't have to be alone."

Gentle tears cascading from ocean eyes, "I can't be around everyone. Telling me they're sorry and he was such a good guy...it's tearing me apart."

Lexa sat on the cold ground and pulled her girlfriend into her lap, kissing her forehead, "You don't have to go back, but don't be here alone. Let me stay."

Clarke nuzzled into Lexa's neck, hiding in her hair, "Okay."

As Lexa held Clarke in her arms, she silently thanked Jake for giving her the chance the meet such a wonderful girl, for raising Clarke to be who she was. She thanked him for making Clarke strong and loving. She raised her eyes to the heavens and thanked Jake Griffin for bringing Clarke into the world, and wished she could have known him a little longer.


	7. Oh, God. You're Bleeding

They were on their way back from a weekend excursion to the beach upstate. Raven was driving the jeep, Octavia was in the passenger seat, and Clarke, Jasper, and Monty were crammed in the back. They didn't care though, they were all singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs. Lexa, Anya, and Lincoln couldn't get away from the company for the weekend, so they'd gone on their own, and the girls couldn't wait to get back to their partners.

The trip had full of volleyball, swimming, and parties by the boardwalk. Clarke couldn't wait until she could go back, this time with Lexa at her side. They'd been dating for over three years now, and Clarke couldn't think of a single thing that could make her happier than that girl and her green eyes.

"Oh my god, Raven! Turn it up!"

The latina reached over and turned the volume up even further and everyone laughed as the music cranked into the air around them, the wind whipping their hair around as they sang along. Everyone had sunglasses on and bright smiles covering their faces.

"I just can't look it's killing me

And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Swimming through sick lullabies

Choking on your alibis

But it's just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

Cause I'm-"

A screech of rubber on concrete. Clarke heard a gasp and a scream as time seemed to slow. A flash of blue collided with her door, sending the car careening towards the side of the road. The windshield shattered as another car collided with their front end, now facing backward. There was a faint stench of chemicals, smoke, and something coppery in the air. And then everything just...stopped. Except for the slight ringing in her ears, the world fell into silence.

Then the chaos began.

Clarke was frantically dragging herself from the twisted remains of the car and helping her friends get out as bystanders stood and called for help. She pulled Octavia out first, who only had a few small cuts from the busted glass. The two worked together to lift an unconscious Raven out through the window.

Clarke dropped to her knees and found her friend's pulse. It was clear and strong. She was just knocked out, most likely from hitting her head against the wheel during the second hit of the crash. She would probably only have a concussion to worry about.

Next, Octavia and Clarke helped Jasper and Monty climb out of the gnarled metal frame of the jeep. Jasper had been in the safest location and was pretty much unscathed. Monty however, had a large cut on his leg from being thrown forward into some of the sharp metal.

He was losing a lot of blood, and fast. Clarke set to work, her training in the medical field kicking in instinctually as Octavia and Jasper sat with Raven. She was able to get the bleeding stopped by using her shirt as a bandage and she knew he would need some serious stitches once the ambulance arrived. He's passed out from pain a little while ago when she was applying pressure to the wound.

It seemed to take a while for the paramedics to get to the scene, though Clarke knew it had only been a few minutes. With the emergency vehicles, came the cars of their loved ones.

Anya was immediately at Raven's side, lifting the sassy latina's head into her lap and running her fingers through her matted down brown hair as she kissed her tan forehead.

Lincoln ran to Octavia and, once he'd made sure it wouldn't hurt her, pulled her into a tight hug. They continued to embrace as Octavia began to cry and Lincoln kissed her gently in between words of comfort and worry.

The EMT's were helping Monty, so Jasper was waiting anxiously by his side. They'd only been together officially for a few months, and Clarke couldn't comprehend what was going on in his head right then.

"Clarke!"

Clarke broke out of her daze and whipped around at the sound of her name frantically being called. Suddenly, she caught sight of Lexa pushing through the growing crowd of people watching the scene. The brunette ran to her and held her face in her hands. Clarke could see tears building in her favorite green eyes.

"I got a call from Octavia. She said you'd all been in a car crash. I thought you were hurt. I thought you-"

"Shh. Shh, " Clarke interrupted, "I'm okay." She nodded quickly up and down, ignoring the wave of nausea it caused, "I'm okay."

Lexa kissed her fiercely before pulling her into a crushing hug. It was only then that Clarke gasped and cried out in pain, a burning sensation quickly spreading its way from her hip down to her ankle.

"Clarke, what's wrong!" Lexa jumped back and observed her girlfriend.

Clarke glanced down at her side as her hand reached down to cover the area. In her adrenaline rush to help her friends, she hadn't felt the piece of bent metal digging into her side. She pulled her hand away and noticed vaguely that it was red.

"Oh, god. You're bleeding." She heard Lexa whisper before she screamed to the medics, "Somebody help! She's hurt!"

Clarke nearly collapsed as the doctors surrounded her. They efficiently got her onto a gurney and into an ambulance, Lexa following behind. They cut her shirt to better assess the damage. Clarke knew it wasn't good when she saw the expression on Lexa's face.

Tears fell smoothly down her pale cheeks. It hurt. Clarke knew she'd never felt pain like this before. She reached for Lexa's tan hand and tried to remain calm as her strong hand encompassed her shaking hand. Clarke was scared. No, Clarke was terrified.

"Clarke, baby girl, look at me," Lexa spoke, hearing the blonde's panic from the heartbeat monitor on her. 

Wide, fearful eyes met hers and Lexa wished she could hold her girlfriend.

"You are going to be okay. We're going to get you to a hospital, and the doctors are going to fix you. It's going to be okay, I promise. I'll be right here, holding your hand, the whole time. Okay, Princess? Just stay strong for me."

"I'm scared, Lex," Clarke admitted in a thick, raspy voice.

"I know," Lexa soothed. "But we're almost there. It's all going to be okay. Hang in there, hodnes."

 

She was in the hospital for about a week after surgery. Her mom came to check on her a few times throughout the day and Lexa never left her side. Still, Clarke was frustrated. She couldn't leave the uncomfortable hospital bed and she just wanted to go home. 

They'd successfully removed the metal fragment from her side, though she was still having a lack of feeling in her left leg. It worried her deeply, though she tried not to show it. Lexa was optimistic, but Clarke's training meant that she knew what her odds were, and they weren't good.

"The doctor's coming in today to discuss physical therapy at home and then I can start the discharge papers," Lexa spoke from her side as she read a philosophy book. 

Clarke was staring blankly out the window, "Sounds good."

Lexa set her book down and placed a hand over Clarke's on top of the thin blankets, "The feeling will come back, Clarke. You just need to give it some time."

Clarke nodded, refusing to give in to the feeling of tears building behind her eyes. She was losing hope.

There was a knock at the door about half an hour later, and Clarke's doctor, one of her mother's friends, walked in and smiled at her. 

"Clarke, glad to see you're doing well today."

Clarke smiled politely and joked, "I'd be doing even better if you let me go home Lorelei." 

Dr. Tsing laughed, "Oh I'm sure you would." Then, her expression turned more serious, "Clarke, we need to talk about your le-"

"Hey, Lex?" Clarke asked turning to her girlfriend, "Would you mind running down to get me some coffee? I could really use it." 

Lexa seemed to consider declining, but nodded and kissed Clarke's forehead before leaving the room.

The blonde turned back to the doctor, "Be straight with me. Is the feeling going to come back or am I not going to be able to walk?"

Lorelei looked down and sighed, "You know it's not that simple."

"I know."

She sat on the bed, placing a comforting hand on Clarke's thigh, "I truly believe you'll make full recovery."

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, "And if I don't?"

"Then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

 

Clarke sighed as she relaxed into familiar sheets. Lexa laughed quietly at her overdramatic reaction before placing everything down and changing into some sweatpants and a tank top. She crawled in behind Clarke and kissed her pale shoulder, fingers running soothingly up and down her arm. 

"I'm glad you're home," Lexa whispered.

Clarke smiled, "Me too."

"I know you're scared, love. I know you're afraid to have hope because you don't want to be disappointed, but everything's going to work out. I promise."

Clarke nodded and snuggled back further into her girlfriend. 

"I love you, Lexa."

"I love you too, baby girl. Get some sleep."


	8. I Couldn't Save Her

There'd been an accident during training, they'd told her. The ground had been damp in the morning dew and combined with last night's rain shower, the training pits had been more slippery than they usually were. It was a simple misstep, the slip of a foot in a puddle and an off-balance swing of a sword was all it had taken.

They'd woken her and gotten the young girl to the healing tent as fast as possible, she was the most advanced medic and the only real hope for the girl's survival. Clarke had successfully removed the dagger protruding from the small girl's chest but quickly realized there was a bigger problem.

"Shit," Clarke cursed under her breath. Her lung was punctured. She ran a hand through her ragged hair as she took a moment to think, quickly deciding to tie it back with a small leather cord. 

"Okay," she talked to herself as she rushed around the healing tent, "Punctured Lung. Pneumothorax. Air in between the lining and the lungs can't expand, there's too much pressure. Treatments include a chest tube placed through the ribs to drain the air. Okay, okay, I can do that."

As Clarke prepared to insert the tube into the girl's chest to help inflate her lungs and drain the excess air and any blood or fluid, she heard the girls sputtering gasps decrease dramatically.

"No," Clarke mumbled frustratedly as she hurried, "no, no, no. Not now, kid. Hang on a little longer, you'll be okay."

Placing the tube wasn't the hard part, but it was made incredibly more difficult by Clarke's trembling hands. Eventually, she got it in the correct position and sighed in relief as a burst of fluid drained from the girl's lungs. Her expression dropped when she noticed that the girl's chest had stopped rising and falling.

She looked up to see glassy hazel eyes and a peaceful smile on the girl's still face. Clarke immediately began the steps of CPR, her head shaking as she tried to keep the tears building in her eyes from falling down her cheeks.

She performed CPR until Nyko came over and pulled her off of the girl, keeping her held back tightly as she tried to fight against her grip. She fought twice as hard as two warriors came to take her small body. It wasn't until the only remainder of the child was a small blood stain on her table that Clarke collapsed in Nyko's arms.

Nyko held her tightly, and whispered soothingly to her in trigdasleng, "Yu don ething yu na don. Em laik tofontaim guofa kik op, em keryon kik raun feva."

 

 

Lexa was surprised, Clarke usually joined her for breakfast. Wondering if perhaps the blonde had decided to sleep in, she had one of the servants send breakfast to their chambers and ate on her own, waiting to see Clarke's smiling face when it was time for lunch.

However, when lunch came around, Lexa found herself sitting alone at the table again. Maybe Clarke had some work to do, she mused as she ate alone. She didn't worry, she knew Clarke would have dinner with her. 

 

 

"Heda, will Clarke not be joining us?" Octavia asked from where she sat with Lincoln at the dinner table.

Lexa was confused, she and Clarke always made time to eat meals together throughout their busy days, but when she really thought about it, she hadn't seen the blonde at all during the day. Not during meetings, nor in the market or wandering the streets. They usually crossed paths many times even when they both had full schedules.

"I'm sure she tried to make it." Lexa simply answered, though inside she was worried.

 

 

Clarke was staring out over the city in the moonlight, her feet dangling over the balcony from where she sat on the ledge. Her stare was vacant and the moonlight highlighted the tears that had remained constant throughout the day. Nyko had tried to get her to talk several times, but she never acknowledged him. She'd heard servants come to leave food at her door, but couldn't bring herself to touch it.

Clarke's hands were still coated in the girl's blood and they trembled in the chill of the night. She couldn't stop thinking about how she'd failed. It was a simple procedure that she'd performed numerous times on the ark and even a few times here on the ground. So why couldn't she save that girl today?

Her mind was swirling with images. Of Charlotte, her blonde hair rushing around her face as she jumped over the edge of the cliff, a small whispered apology the last breath through her lips. Of Tris, Anya crying in the background as she choked on her own blood and drowned on the table, her body in shock and unable to fight. Of all the children she'd killed in the mountain, their school days interrupted with radiation and their high pitched screams echoing off the wall as their innocence was replaced with burning.

Commander of Death indeed, she thought bitterly.

She knew if she looked behind her she'd see a room swept through by a raging monster. Tables of important books and maps flung harshly to the floor in her rage, possibly torn and irreparable. The table itself lay flipped over on its side and smeared with some of the blood from her hands.

Commander of Death indeed.

 

 

Lexa walked calmly down the hallway past her guards and warriors, though there was a slight quickness to her step. She reached their room and dismissed the guards posted outside. Panic squeezed her heart when she saw all three trays of food sent for Clarke sitting outside the large wooden doors, untouched.

She raised a hand and knocked on the door, calling softly, "Clarke?"

When she was given no response, she pushed open the door and stepped into the room. She froze mid-stride when she saw the condition of the bedroom that awaited her. Everything was cast aside and on the floor in unorganized heaps, chairs were askew and fallen over and one of the tables was on its side.

Fearing there had been a struggle, Lexa continued into the room, calling out again for the blonde, "Clarke?"

She stopped once again when she saw the blonde's silhouette through the balcony doors. She let out a relieved sigh and continued forward, her mind not registering the state of the blonde in connection with the state of the room.

When the brunette stepped out into the night air, her steps faltered. There was blood on Clarke's hands and all over her clothes, shining in the moonlight.

"Clarke, are you hurt?" Lexa panicked.

 

 

A few moments later there was a broken reply, "I couldn't save her."

Lexa took another step forward, careful not to startle the blonde, lest she lose her balance and fall over the edge, "What are you talking about, Klark? Who's blood is that?"

"Her name was Aspen." Clarke sucked in a shaky breath, feeling despair once again fill her entire body. "I couldn't save her, Lex."

Lexa recognized the name, it was one of the village children. Last Lexa'd heard she'd been training as one of the warrior's seconds. Clearly, she'd missed news of the young girl's death, and something was very wrong with her love.

"Tell me what happened." She spoke gently, laying a hand on the blonde's back and coaxing her off of the balcony ledge.

"I-I got the knife out. She was gonna be okay. But, but her- her lungs started to collapse and fill with blood and I-" A sob tore from Clarke's chest and Lexa pulled her fully into her arms, turning to bring her back into the disheveled room.

"Shh. It's alright, hodnes. I'm sure you did everything you possibly could."

Clarke continued to mourn over her lost patient, she couldn't understand how her mother ever went through this on the Ark, she knew many people had been lost, but couldn't think of a single time she'd seen the older woman fall apart like she currently was.

Lexa continued to guide her through the room, bringing her into the adjacent bathroom. She then proceeded to fill the deep metal tub with hot water, letting Clarke sit and watch her with a semi-vacant expression.

Once that was done, she helped Clarke strip down and after doing the same, she picked her up and lowered them both into the tub. She pulled Clarke to her front and held her for a few minutes, letting the blonde's tears fall and mix with the pink-tinged water.

She softly held Clarke's hands in her own and made sure any last trace of Aspen's blood was removed before washing the rest of her. She wrapped Clarke in a soft, warm fur and led her back into the bedroom.

She ignored the mess and had Clarke get into bed and snuggle into the furs while she grabbed a hairbrush. She brushed through both her own and Clarke's hair before twisting them into simple long braids.

She placed the brush on the table and moved into the bed behind Clarke, pulling the blonde woman close and burying her face Clarke's neck. She left small kisses there and coaxed the younger girl to sleep with a soft lullaby, knowing they could fix the room tomorrow.


	9. "Calm Down. Just Focus on Me"

Clarke paced the front of the gates restlessly, refusing to stop until she got word about survivors. She’d woken up to the news that there had been an attack on Ton DC. Ice Nation had swept through, undetected in the night, and slaughtered anyone they could find. It was retaliation for the Coalition’s newest peace treaty, which would force more of Azgeda’s supplies to be distributed to other clans during the winters. It was meant to help everyone, not start a demonstration. 

Clarke had started pacing once she’d gotten the news that some of her people were at the camp, staying overnight on their way home from Polis. It was hours later, and because she’d gotten no word of those alive or dead, she continued to wait. Worry had set in immediately, her mother was in that party. Was she okay? Was she even alive? Clarke shook her head, she couldn’t think like that, of course Abby was okay. She had to be.

It was another hour before she saw the first body break the tree line. Two men were carrying the body of a young woman. 

“Open the gates!” She screamed to the guards on duty, “Help them in!”

She rushed forward as more and more Arcadians came into view. All she could think about was finding her mother, catching a glimpse of her hair or a short burst of her voice, barking orders to help the wounded. But as more and more people passed through the gates holding bodies wrapped carefully in cloth, she started to panic. She was the last person back inside the gates and she watched as families and lovers were happily reunited. 

The guards and medics took all the bodies into the med bay to be identified later. Clarke walked around, beginning to feel numb, and asked everyone she saw come back if they’d seen her mother. They couldn’t answer her. That’s when the true fear set in. She can’t be, Clarke thought, that’s impossible. She’s fine, she’s fine, someone has to know where she is. She’s not dead. She’s not dead. She’s can’t be. 

Clarke leaned against the side of the Ark, clenching her eyes shut and trying to catch her breath. You're having a panic attack, Clarke heard her mother’s voice drift through her head, Clarke, it’s okay, but you need to calm down.

“Clarke? Clarke! Are you okay?”

Clarke forced her eyes open and was instantly surrounded by green. “My mom,” she choked out, “I can’t...my mom.”

Lexa slowly stepped forward until she could place a gentle hand on Clarke’s cheek, “You’re okay, Klark. Calm down. Just focus on me.”

Clarke nodded, she could do that. She closed her eyes once again and focused on Lexa. Lexa’s hand against her face. Lexa’s voice, sweetly coaxing her back to reality. Lexa.

Clarke took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Relief flooded through Lexa’s gaze and she asked, “Better?”

Clarke nodded, “Thank you.”

Lexa nodded and helped Clarke stand again, “What happened?” She asked gently.

“My mom,” Clarke croaked, “she was in TonDC and I haven’t seen her. No one’s telling me anything.”

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered, her expression pained, “Your mother-”

“You’ve seen her?” Clarke interrupted, her eyes were wide and frantic and she held a tight grip on Lexa’s arm.

“Clarke-” Lexa tried again.

“Well, where is she? Lexa, please, tell me.” Clarke pleaded. 

Lexa couldn’t meet Clarke’s eyes as she spoke with a thick voice what Clarke was refusing to acknowledge as the truth, “She’s dead, Hodnes.”

Clarke felt as though her brain was short-circuiting as she shook her head roughly back and forth. Her thoughts were racing by so quickly and she couldn’t focus or breath. Her heart seemed to hammer in her chest and completely stop beating at the same time and Clarke fell to her knees, crashing to the wet Earth. 

Lexa didn’t try and stop her, simply held her close to her chest and dropped to mud with her. 

Clarke wasn’t in control of her mind or body, she clenched her eyes shut and released a deep, primal scream of agony as she trembled in Lexa’s arms. Her body wanted to sob in her mind’s despair, but her lungs won’t pull oxygen inside, her sobs only coming out as painful, thick gasps.

Lexa knew she needed to get her love to calm down or else she would pass out. She tucked Clarke’s head to her chest so her heartbeat was all Clarke could hear. She kept a hand tangled in Clarke’s blonde curls as the other traced soothing lines up and down her back.

“Shh. Shh, Klark I need you to breath.”

“I can’t-I” Clarke wailed, “I can’t breathe. It hurts.”

“I know, Hodnes. I know it does. But I need you to breath. Listen to my heart and breathe with me, okay?”

Clarke nodded against her chest and Lexa led her through a few deep breaths, lifting Clarke into her arms as her pained sobs evened into more manageable cries. She carried her into their tent outside of the metal remnants of the Ark and laid her gently down on their bed, stripping her down to her undergarments and tucking her into the rich furs. 

Lexa quickly washed her face of blood and warpaint in the small water basin on the other side of the room before stripping down as well and joining Clarke in the bed. The blonde immediately settled into her arms, now silent tears soaking Lexa’s skin. 

Lexa kissed the top of her head and eventually coaxed her into a fitful sleep.

 

Lexa woke Clarke when it was time for to burn the dead. She helped her get her armor into place and led her over to the water basin to wash her face and do her warpaint.

Clarke dipped her fingers into a small container of animal blood and smeared it down from her eyes, past her jaw and her throat, stopping at her collarbones. She remained deadly silent as Lexa lead her to address their gathered people.

“We are gathered here tonight to mourn our dead and release their souls back to the sky and the earth. By attacking TonDC Queen Nia of the Ice Nation has committed treason and declared war against the remaining twelve clans of the coalition. Fear not, for she will pay for what she has taken from us. I vow it.”

Clarke stepped off of the small dais and took a torch from one of the guards on hand, she stood in front of the massive pyre and no one dared to speak as she grabbed Lexa’s hand in her free one and reached forward to light the pyre. 

“Yu gonplei ste odon. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. Your fight is over. May we meet again.”

All around her, the people chanted, “Kom chilnes yu na ban sishou-de au,Kom hodnes yu na hon neson op. Gouthru klir hashta yu soujon,Kom taim oso fali kom daun gon graun-de. In peace, may you leave this shore In love, may you find the next Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again."

Lexa stood stoic and strong by the blonde’s side until the pyre was reduced to smoking ash. She took Clarke’s hand and led her back to their tent. The passed the fur hanging to separate the main tent from their bedroom and silently helped each other remove their armor and warpaint. 

They fell into the furs and tangled their limbs, Lexa kissing the top of Clarke’s head as she fell asleep and vowing to remain vigilant to protect Clarke from whatever terrors would find her in the night.


	10. It's Going to be Okay

She’d received no word of the condition of the village or the state of the fierce blonde. She stilled and sat defeated at the map table, sighing and placing her head in her hands. The pair sat in a tense silence as they waited for news to come. 

Suddenly a commotion seemed to break out over the entire camp and Lexa quickly exited her tent to see what was going on, Octavia right on her heels. 

“Movement on the treeline!” She heard one of the men watching over the walls call to the others.

“Can you tell who it is?” She yelled. 

“No. They seem injured, though.” 

“Open your gates!” Lexa ordered, already pushing through the small crowd forming. 

As soon as there was enough space to peek through, Lexa’s eyes were trained on the figure slowly limping out of the forest. All it took was a moment of the sun glinting off of familiar golden waves for Lexa to burst forward and run to her wife. 

She didn’t slow as she swept the blonde into her arms, holding her as close as she could and breathing in the comforting smell that was purely Clarke. Even blood covered amd battle ravaged, she was beautiful. 

“You’re okay.” Lexa whispered. 

“I’m okay.” Clarke confirmed in a raspy voice. “They came out of nowhere to raid the village. I tried to fight back, Lexa, I tried to save them, I-“ 

“Shh.” Lexa cooed running soothing hands up and down Clarke’s back as the blonde cried quietly into her neck, “I know you did everything you could.” 

She gently picked the blonde up into her arms ad began to run back to the camp, calling out to the people staring at them, “Find the medics, Clarke is injured.” 

Clarke didn’t look up as they re-entered the walls, her hands simply clenched tighter into the fabric of Lexa’s top. The brunette tried to calm her as subtly as possible, knowing Clarke would not want to make a scene of mourning for the people they’d just lost. 

She carried Clarke into the metal maze of the fallen Ark and laid her gently on a cot in the sterile, white infirmary. She then pulled a chair over to the side of the cot and sat down, keeping Clarke’s hand in hers and bringing it up to her mouth to place a delicate kiss on her bruised knuckles. 

Soon, the head of the Skaikru medics, named Jackson if Lexa remembered correctly, came rushing to Clarke’s cot, Abby not far behind him. 

“Clarke,” Abby cried, “What happened?”

“It’s okay, mom, just some scratches.” Clarke replied with a calming smile. “I’m all good here, go do your chancellor-y things.”

Abby leaned down to kiss her daughter’s forehead before exiting the med bay with a longing look. 

Jackson flashed a small light in Clarke’s eyes and asked, “What happened to you, kid?”

Clarke laughed a little, though it was without humor and motioned down to the blood seeping through her pants, “Oh you know, just a little clumsy.”

Carefully, Jackson cut away the leg of Clarke’s pants to expose a deep gash on her thigh. Lexa gasped, she hadn’t thought it would be that bad.

“I’ll have to stitch it up.”

Clarke nodded for him to continue and then pouted as she saw the scraps of her clothes, “This was my favorite armor.”

“She’s lost a lot of blood,” Jackson commented to Lexa as he began to work on the gash, “She’ll be a bit out of it.”

Lexa chuckled as she smoothed some hair down on top of Clarke’s head, “I’ll have a new set made for you by tomorrow, ai houmon” 

Lexa stood and gathered a bowl of warm water and a few spare cloths before returning to her chair and beginning to wipe the blood from Clarke’s face, neck, and hands. 

“Thanks, Lex.” Clarke hummed, her eyes beginning to close.

“Rest, Clarke. It’s going to be okay, I’ll stay right here until you wake.”

Clarke pulled their still intertwined hands close to her chest as she laid on her side, the blonde sighed, “Goodnight, Heda.”

Lexa looked down at Clarke with a loving smile, “Reshop, Wanheda. Ai hod yu in, niron.”


	11. Wild Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Lexa finds Clarke after spending a year thinking she was dead?

Lexa looked down at her trackers from her throne, "What do you have to report?"

The leader of the team stepped up and bowed his head before speaking, "The cave was barren except for claw marks that scarred the walls."

"Just an animal then?" She questioned with a raised brow. She'd been working with some of the more competent members of Skaikru in order to find Clarke, who'd been missing now for almost a year. They'd received word that she could be in a series of caves on the edge of the Ice Nation.

"We can't be sure, Heda," the man continued in his deep voice, "there were faint signs that someone had sustained themselves there for at least a few days. If Wanheda has been staying there, she's very skilled at hiding it."

Lexa nodded, contemplating her next move. This was the first time they'd had more than a vague report of a sighting from a traveler or merchant crossing between cities. It was possibly real physical evidence that the blonde was alive somewhere.

Lexa thought back to their last encounter, the dreadful ending of their fledgling relationship at the entrance of Mount Weather. When she'd received news of Clarke's disappearance the next week, she vowed she would bring the blonde girl home where she belonged, and repent for all she had done to strain their relationship. But before any of that, she needed Clarke back.

"Prepare my horse," She commanded, "We ride at dawn and we bring Wanheda home to her people."

To me, Lexa corrected in her head.

 

 

Clarke's eyes cracked open and she flinched against the bright light flooding her vision. She rolled onto her side to get a look at her surroundings and sighed. She'd passed out by the lake again. She knew one of these times an Azgeda patrol would see her and kill her, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care.

Slowly, she pulled herself into a sitting position and ran a hand through her knotted red hair. She'd been constantly adding layers of dark crushed berries to her blonde hair so that it was a dark red, masking her from anyone that knew who might recognize her.

She stood up and stretched, moaning as her joint popped and muscles stretched, then decided to head back to the cave that she'd claimed as her own, hoping to run into breakfast on the way.

Luckily, a few miles from her cave, she caught a rabbit and was able to skin it right there and leave the entrails so nothing larger followed the scent trail right to her door, Clarke didn't think she could handle another tangle with a panther. In fact, she was still healing from the last one.

Once she reached the secluded cave, she quickly lit a fire and cut the rabbit meat into small strips, stretching it out on a rock and placing it in the fire to cook. She knew not to try and consume the animal until it seemed nearly burnt, having learned the hard way the effects of undercooked meat on the human body.

She stripped her boots off and left them to dry by the fire, pulling her hood up. As she waited for her food to cook, Clarke let her mind wander. She couldn't help but immediately think of them. It was always to them, the people she'd left behind, that her mind went to when she was left time to think. She couldn't help but wonder if they were okay or if she'd made a mistake in leaving, that maybe they really did need her to survive on the ground.

She shook her head, no, going back to Camp Jaha after the massacre in Mount Weather had been too much to handle. All evening long, people celebrated the deaths she had caused and congratulated her for the genocide on her hands. Sick to her stomach for hours as she relived the horrible memories, she'd turned in to bed early, wishing everyone a good night.

And at midnight she had vanished, leaving barely a trace of her presence in the camp. She needed to get away, as far away as possible and she was determined to not come back. She knew she had to leave, if she didn't disassociate from the pain, she wouldn't survive under its weight.

She pulled the meat from the fire and chewed it slowly, savoring its flavor. She'd hadn't had a successful hunt in about a week and she could tell this meal had come just in time as her stomach painfully accepted the nourishment.

Through her time in isolation, Clarke had become very skilled in the ways of the forest, and her keen senses suddenly picked up the commotion of several horses. They were getting closer and she held her breath as she listened. A twig snapped as feet hit the earth. Too close.

She abandoned her food and stomped out the fire ignoring the burning sensation as the fire licked at her ankles. She pushed herself against the far cave wall, cloaking herself in the shadows as she pulled her hood up over her face. She watched as several figures stepped into view, stretching out across the cave entrance.

Clarke locked every muscle in her body and refused to breathe, knowing it would cause enough movement or noise that she would be caught.

"Boots," she heard a man's gruff voice echo off the walls, "and the embers are still warm. She's here." He motioned the other men with him to search deeper into the cave, but a voice halted them.

"Wait," came a command from the outside and the men parted for the newcomer. Clarke couldn't contain her gasp as she stepped into view. Lexa.

Every warrior's gaze immediately redirected to her hidden form as the sound hit their ears, and it was then that Clarke realized her mistake. As they all made their way towards her, she sunk down into a fighting stance and bared her teeth, snarling like a wild animal.

"Stand down, wait outside!" Lexa's command came as the brunette forced her way around her men, coming closer and closer to Clarke with each step.

"Don't come any closer," Clarke ordered, her voice hard and ragged from months without use. She didn't want to hurt anyone, and she feared that instinct would take over and she would do anything to fight her way out. But she wouldn't forgive herself for laying a hand on Lexa.

"Clarke," Lexa murmured as she came to stand in front of the wild blonde. She fell to her knees in front of her and took Clarke's hand in hers. Clarke saw green eyes widen as Lexa took in the state of her skin.

Clarke simply stared back from the shadows of her hood. She couldn't bring herself to say the words, to tell Lexa the truth. She couldn't explain that when she had discovered that no amount of water would wash the blood from her hands, she'd turned to fire instead.

Tell her that she'd burned herself so badly, in fact, that she no longer had feeling in most parts of her hands. That it almost made it easier, she'd come to learn, to not have to feel the pulse of the animal run through her palms before snapping its neck.

She pushed the thoughts down into the corners of her mind and took a step back into the darkness of the cave, pulling her mangled hand from Lexa's smooth one. She could feel those bright green eyes on her and it slowly unnerved her. She knew what Lexa was seeing when she looked at her. Her entire body was littered with scars from old hunts, a living tapestry of near-misses and harsh fights.

"Clarke," Lexa repeated in a broken whisper.

"Please, don't," Clarke pleaded, "Don't come closer. I don't want to hurt you."

"I found you." Lexa smiled to herself, talking softly and she slowly outstretched her hand to the trembling girl in front of her, "I have been searching and searching and I finally found you again."

When Clarke stared back at her but made no move to accept her hand, she continued, "Come home, Clarke."

At this, Clarke began to rapidly shake her head. No, I can't do that, she thought. They don't want me anymore, I'm a murderer. They kill murderers. They'll kill me. I'll kill me.

"You don't trust me?" Lexa assumed sadly, her fear of Clarke's rejection finally surfacing.

"I don't trust myself." Clarke barely choked out.

But Lexa heard, and it broke her heart, "Why not?"

"Fraga." Clarke responded, "I'm a murderer."

"You're a survivor, Clarke. It's woven into your life and displayed on your skin." Lexa argued. Then she softened, "We all do what we have to in order to survive. That's life on the ground."

Again, she reached a hand out towards the blonde, pleading with her to take it, "Come home to me, Clarke. Let me help take this pain away."

They remained in thick silence for a few moments, Lexa holding her breath in anticipation and Clarke battling an internal war. Eventually, inch by inch, Clarke's mangled hand reached towards Lexa's gentle one, and she entwined their fingers, stepping out of the shadows and into the light of the morning for the first time in a seemingly symbolic gesture.


End file.
